Somethings never change.

I woke up different today.  My eyes opened, and instantly i thought of working out.  I thought about getting my 12kms in and taking on an extra workout early before my day went into full swing.

Yet another change was taking place in my life.

As I laced up my runners,  I realized something. I’m not walking alone.  

Since i began this journey I’ve try to include everyone.  Pictures, blogs,  twitter and facebook.  I needed the company, i could not do this alone.  

Sometimes I write  my blog forgetting there are people who actually read it.  Sometimes I forget that my words, although truthful in the moment, and honest and raw, could also hurt those walking along with me.

I forgot, that among all the social media,  was one person that no matter the weather, no matter the time of day, or what mood i was in, was always there.  Side by side step by step.  Each kilometer, each rainstorm, each heat wave.  One person was there.

 My biggest support, and my constant cheerleader. My best friend, and the love of my life.

Most men say that they would walk to the ends of the earth for their wives,  mine, actually is.

 Every mood swing, every time i wanted to throw in the towel, he just walks along side me, with gentle words, reminding me that we were in this together.  How could I forget that everything i do affects him.

When i asked him if he read my blog, he said “ofcourse I did, its  hard to read”  He  talked to me about how far we have come, how many obstacles we have faced and come through.  Always together.  This was just one more obstacle we would get through.  Together.

Why had I not seen it before?  He was so right.

 It isn’t about beating myself up about all the time i have wasted.  Its about the fact that I am no longer wasting time.

 It isn’t about allowing my diabetes to get out of control for years.  It’s about taking control of my diabetes now, and for the years to come.

 It’s not about dwelling in the past, its about diving into  my future.

I’ve learned so much in the past 38 weeks.  

So much has changed.  But one thing stays constant.  

I am so grateful he has chosen to walk life’s journey with me.

thank you

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WE HAVE COMPLETED WEEK 38

WE HAVE COMPLETED WEEK 38

WE HAVE WALKED OVER 2888KMS SO FAR

OUR NEW DESTINATION IS UPSALA ONTARIO

CURRENTLY IT IS 9 DEGREES CELSIUS WITH PATCHES OF FOG

Upsala is an unincorporated community and geographic township in Thunder Bay District in northwestern Ontario, Canada. It is located along the Trans-Canada Highway,
It was named after the city of Uppsala in Sweden
When established in 1882, Upsala was an important fuel and water stop for trains travelling on the then newly constructed Canadian Pacific Railway system.

POLLY WHO ARE YOU?

Here i sit.  Fresh out of my rummage in the fridge, cupboards and pantry shelves.  I am miserable.

 I didn’t eat.  

Don’t get too excited. I couldn’t find anything to fill this void.  I guess i prepared myself for these moments  when i was shopping.  ARGHHHHH

Its been a rough week.  Rough at work, rough at home.  Relationships have been hard this week.  I found myself  struggling with all my emotions this week.  For lack of a better description, i was having a bi-polar week.

My highs were great.  I can conquer just about anything.  i am strong i am fierce.  I am woman!  xena warrior princess!

 And then, a passing glance in the mirror, an off the cuff remark from someone close, and i spiral into the lowest of lows. Why are you seriously pretending you can accomplish this.  You fat pig, you suck!  You are fooling yourself.  You wont amount to anything, look at you!

Its so easy in these moments of low to lash out.  

The kids didnt empty the dishwasher,

My husband didn’t ask about my day

My co-workers looked at me funny

the stranger was laughing at me

The doctor wont listen

Nope none of the above.

Its no one’s fault.

Its life,

good and bad.  Rough days and good days.

I am only noticing the highs and lows because Im no longer stuffing both with burgers and potatoe chips.  These feelings of “bionic woman” and “useless moron” are both real.  They are raw.  They are feelings.  Feelings that need to be dealt with and addressed.   Feelings that need to be felt, not fed.

So I closed the fridge.  Closed all the cupboards, opened up my laptop and my heart. 

Tomorrow, I’m going to try and be just Polly/  

Whoever that is.  

cheers

 

 

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WE HAVE FINISHED WEEK 36

WE HAVE FINISHED WEEK 36

WE HAVE WALKED OVER 2736KMS TO DATE

OUR NEW DESTINATION IS IGNACE ONTARIO
TODAY IT IS 22 DEGREES CELSIUS AND PARTLY CLOUDY

Ignace is a township in the Kenora District of Northwestern Ontario, Canada, located at Highway 17 (Trans Canada Highway) and Secondary Highway 599, and on the Canadian Pacific Railway between Thunder Bay and Kenora. It is on the shore of Agimak Lake, and as of 2011, the population of Ignace was 1,202.

Although Ignace was incorporated in 1908, it was something of a latecomer to some modern conveniences, such as rotary dial telephone, which did not arrive to the town until 1956.

WE HAVE FINISHED WEEK 35

WE HAVE FINISHED WEEK 35

OUR NEW DESTINATION IS MELGUND LAKE ONTARIO

WE HAVE WALKED OVER 2660KMS

TODAY IT IS 19 DEGREES CELSIUS AND PATCHY RAIN

Melgund is a township and local services board in the Canadian province of Ontario, consisting of the unincorporated communities of Dyment and Borups Corners in the Kenora District.